Finding special Time
With Summer quickly coming to an end it really makes me see just how many things we planned on doing that we didn't get a chance to.
When you have a child with special needs you can really only plan so much. And even with all the planning in the world it doesn't mean that it's actually going to happen. Sadly, that means your other children (if you have them) get to deal with the disappointment that comes with canceled plans.
Over the years we've had so many different reasons that plans have gotten canceled. With Espen there are just so many different things going on in her world. Sensory processing, the seizures, med changes.. all these things cause Espen to be over stimulated, cranky & crabby, lots of crying, shutting down. For a long time it would take it's toll on me to the point it was just easier to say "Nope, we are just going to stay home". It was easier to cancel plans and just let Espen take the time she needed to feel better. I knew that it bothered our other kiddos who live at home even when they didn't show it. And why wouldn't it? It's hard enough to have a new or younger sibling come along and just change your plans all the time. To feel like you don't matter as much because mom did what was easier for one kid and not be willing to even try for the others.
Every family is different, every situation is different. And what works for one, may not work for another. It's certainly a balancing act, and in my case, as soon as I feel like I'm getting the hang of things... Something changes in Espen's world and we start all over.
So this week while Espen is at school I get to take the older girls shopping for school stuff. We are going to make a day of it. Luckily we have older siblings that help with Espen by being her caregivers/transportation to and from school to allow us time away. When we first started doing things without Espen it sort of felt wrong and sometimes I felt like I wasn't as good of a mom as I should be to be able to handle her and the other kids while doing all the things. The other part of me felt happy I could give our other kids devoted time and attention, and if I'm honest with myself... some relief. It was nice to be out and about and not worry about the sounds, stimulating environment, her need to touch everything and inability to move on past an isle because she's trying to regulate.
It's such a small thing when I think about it... shopping for school supplies. But for me and the girls it's more than just that. It's time I can spend with just them, to make them feel the center of my attention and that makes it special. Special time doesn't need to be a big grand trip, although we have started to do that also, it can just be a few hours together getting school supplies before the craziness of the school year starts.
I hope you all get a chance to find some special time before summers end, and wishing everyone a seizure free day!
💜 Lisa
